It's hard to believe it's only been a day since I've been spanked by the Englishman. I feel like it's been days. I've been replaying ithe session over and over on a constant loop in my head. I can't even spank-and-tell this one... It was so intimate without any "actual" intimacy. There were long moments where I completely lost time. I still don't really know what to make of the whole thing. On paper, it should never have happened. Several unforeseen circumstances (including a nasty cold) should have prompted me to cancel, but something told me this had to happen.
In processing my thoughts, I sent my spanker this e-mail:
Some people go through a midlife crisis at some point in their lives. I have gone through several existential crises throughout mine- each time resulting in a major life decision that would alter the course of my life. After existential crises #2 or #3, I contemplated whether or not there was any meaning to life, and perhaps we just...are. If that's the case, perhaps those that live life fast and hard had it right- letting hedonism lead the way to excess and pleasure. However, that didn't seem right either, since anytime I engage in too much of anything I never feel good. Hangovers, lethargy, moodiness even guilt plague me after pleasure benders. I suppose true happiness if found in balance. In all my years I don't think I've ever managed to feel balanced. I've been constantly playing around with the ratios between family, work, friends, myself, etc. But after Tuesday, that fateful Tuesday, I came out feeling as if everything was balanced. I've been denying this part of my life and perhaps it's simply the missing link.
Or, maybe it was a fluke. I don't want to put too much pressure on anything.
And, I'm feeling worse than ever, so it could be God's wrath against my sins. Either way.
I'll be thinking about you while watching Idol tonight... Can't wait to discuss it among other things :)
Yes, after the session we went for a cup of tea and ended up talking for an hour. We debriefed a bit and also talked about American Idol. Heh.
P.S. I can add leather paddle to my growing list to implements that I've been spanked with ;)