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Monday, August 20, 2012

Shadow of a Doubt



A couple weekends ago I was supposed to go to Las Vegas for a girl's night out. However, one of the ladies couldn't make it and we decided to postpone the trip to when we had a bit more time: Labor Day weekend. The Universe seems to want this debutante to make a formal introduction to spanking's society, Shadow Lane being the ball.

I couldn't decide if this was a stroke of luck or some form of torture. I started off this journey imagining I would play at parties, not in private. Publicly, not behind closed doors. I never really had the opportunity to attend a party. As it worked out, I saw the Englishman after an experience went South with Glasses Patient Zero and he expressed the desire to the be the only one who spanks me, keeping me safe. With the introduction of the boundaries, I was nervous, but felt safe enough to plan my approach with him the next time we met to discuss the possibility of attending my first spanking party. But even before asking him, I weighed some of the pros and cons to see if it was even "worth asking", knowing his consideration wouldn't be gentle on his compassionate soul.

A few things that certainly encourage me to go to Shadow Lane is meeting other bloggers like Erica and Lea. Also, if I'm going to go to a spanking party, why not make it the biggest and the best? Not to mention I have a solid alibi. My concerns mainly surround my own insecurities. What if I get there and no one wants to play with me? Wah... I don't want to be the last kid picked on the playground! Also, I will be going knowing NOBODY. Not a soul. Will I be able to call out to my inner extrovert to make the short time I have there to be anything but absolutely awkward? The fact that they have a newbie party eases some of the worry that I'll get there and just melt right into the background. I've read several party reports, but I don't feel like I have a good idea of what a layperson's experience would be. With no scheduled events, I worry that I'll be aimlessly wandering the halls, looking as though there was some purpose to my loitering. Then there is the hefty ticket price ($150) as well as the question of getting a hotel room. And those are just MY concerns... what about for him? Never in a million years would I be ok with this if this was the other way around. However, I am infinitely more insecure than he is, which is probably why we each sit on the side of the fence we do.

It would also be a big step, going from the safety and security of blogging behind my computer screen, to actually having to meet people. I currently enjoy the luxuries complete anonymity provides, but I'll have very little control over that in a public-ish setting. People will know what I (*gasp*) look like as I can't walk around with a pixelated mask. I'm sure conversations will allow for details to slip that will not be able to be edited out later in a moment of clarity.

So I saw the Englishman last week (details to come), and I brought it up at lunch. I have trouble reading him. He's like this Compassionate Dom, concerned for my needs as much as he is for his. He takes a moment to think about what he's about to say, and I'm pleasantly surprised by his answer. Ultimately, if it were up to him, I would not bare my bottom to anyone but him. But considering he knows that I've been itching to try something like this out, Shadow Lane seems safe enough and far away enough that he could be ok with it under some conditions: 1. public play only. No being alone in a room with some guy. 2. Panties on at all times. So far, that's it. But I'm sure there will be other negotiations... are all implements fair game? I'm not sure if he'd care if someone delivered a good paddling, but I can't imagine he would want to see cane marks left by the hand of another man. I did find his charm to be intoxicating when he said with a grin, "Have no doubt: While you can attend the party, you will be punished for it." Drool. Incentive provided.

But still, I am doubtful. I wonder if this will change things for us in the future. I wonder if this will change things for me. Will it enhance the experience I'm having now? Or will my blown cover bring a quick death to spankLife?

I'm going to weigh these options. Which ways will the scales tip? I'm not sure. I have a couple weeks to do some research and let some of these feelings brew. As of now, I'm leaning towards attending... probably just Friday. I'm thinking newbie party... do a little shopping... then hit another party or two. Crash, wake up late and head to the strip to meet my friends, where they'll never know how I spent the last 24 hours.






10 comments:

  1. Lots to think about. If it helps any, I'd imagine your fears of attending will be similar to what other 'newbies' feel. I have a feeling you'd regret not at least trying it.
    If you do attend, lots of luck, I'm sure you'll be fine and I can't wait to hear all about it. :)

    Dee x

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    1. Dee,

      That is a really good point. I think I would regret it... or at least spend the next year wondering what it would have been like!

      If I go, I will make sure to take notes! :)

      xo,
      SC

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  2. Where's the question here? You get to go do this, and I do think you'd regret not going, and you're promised punishment for going? Which exponentiates the whole experience. Hello? Are you in there? What did you do with SC?

    Go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go how long do I have to do this?

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    1. So what you're saying is that I should go? You're being ambiguous. :)

      Clearly there is something keeping me from buying a ticket... I'm not sure exactly what that is. My body says, "Yes", but heart says, "No." Gotta figure out what the brain thinks.

      xo,
      SC

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  3. I've attended several parties with another group but this would be my first time at Shadow Lane. I'm really shy in person and super nervous about meeting so many new people. But there will be a few familiar faces from my other group which is what convinced me to just book the trip.

    I get where you're coming from. Attending a party alone (which I've always done) is a bit nerve wracking. Even once I knew some people, I still get the pre-party jitters each time. Will I be able to talk to the people I want to get to spend some time with? Is anyone going to want to play with me? Will I go unnoticed amongst all the well known spanking world people?

    The only answer I do know for sure is each time I've made a leap and attended, I'm so glad that I did. I've had some wonderful experiences and made a lot of great friends. And if a girl like me who can hardly talk to anybody can do it, anyone can! ;-) Hope to see you there!

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    1. Thanks, Lea!

      Thank you for the encouragmenet! You make some very good points and it sounds like I just need to take a leap of faith at this point! If I go, I will definitely look for you!

      xo,
      SC

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  4. Hi FSC
    Ive been involved in Spanking and Caning for Years now..I used to go to parties and was always uncomfortable with meeting new people involved..I was very shy and found it difficult...Over a period of time ive built up a diary of people ive met and trust for meetings built just around S and c...No Sex just that..I only want sexual relationships with people I care about in the field..It may effect your relationship with your english gent if you go to these parties and he doesnt want to go..If you want to meet people in the field just for S and C use some of the blog people who come on your site who have been involved for sometime to ask if they are involved in friends groups..If you lived in UK I would help..Also your security has to be paramount..
    Take Care
    P

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    1. P,

      It definitely concerns me that going to SL may change the status quo. On the other hand, I have to trust that if he says he's ok with me going that he's being honest in saying so. I'll also check around with the handful of local people I know that may go. Thanks for the advice!

      xo,
      SC

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  5. Wow. This is HUGE! :-)

    I can sense your worries and what-ifs, and I know they are not easily dismissed. It's a lot to think about, and yes, these parties can be overwhelming, even for old-bies like me. But... what an adventure. What a way to plunge into a new aspect of the spanking scene for you. And at a time when many other newbies are coming, and you'll have support for sure. My vote, as you probably figured, is do it. You and your Englishman have good communication. You will meet this challenge, and I'll bet you'll feel stronger for it.

    By all means, go to the newbie party on Friday. And look for me on Friday night. I will give you a ginormous hug!

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    1. This IS huge, right?!

      I've made a few more baby steps to making this happen... scary thought! Will you have a table at the vendor fair? I'm pretty sure I'll have to walk backwards with my dress over my head for anyone to recognize me! But I will make sure to look for you... and reciprocate that hug!

      xo,
      SC

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