Shadow of a Doubt

A couple weekends ago I was supposed to go to Las Vegas for a girl's night out. However, one of the ladies couldn't make it and we decided to postpone the trip to when we had a bit more time: Labor Day weekend. The Universe seems to want this debutante to make a formal introduction to spanking's society, Shadow Lane being the ball.

I couldn't decide if this was a stroke of luck or some form of torture. I started off this journey imagining I would play at parties, not in private. Publicly, not behind closed doors. I never really had the opportunity to attend a party. As it worked out, I saw the Englishman after an experience went South with Glasses Patient Zero and he expressed the desire to the be the only one who spanks me, keeping me safe. With the introduction of the boundaries, I was nervous, but felt safe enough to plan my approach with him the next time we met to discuss the possibility of attending my first spanking party. But even before asking him, I weighed some of the pros and cons to see if it was even "worth asking", knowing his consideration wouldn't be gentle on his compassionate soul.

A few things that certainly encourage me to go to Shadow Lane is meeting other bloggers like Erica and Lea. Also, if I'm going to go to a spanking party, why not make it the biggest and the best? Not to mention I have a solid alibi. My concerns mainly surround my own insecurities. What if I get there and no one wants to play with me? Wah... I don't want to be the last kid picked on the playground! Also, I will be going knowing NOBODY. Not a soul. Will I be able to call out to my inner extrovert to make the short time I have there to be anything but absolutely awkward? The fact that they have a newbie party eases some of the worry that I'll get there and just melt right into the background. I've read several party reports, but I don't feel like I have a good idea of what a layperson's experience would be. With no scheduled events, I worry that I'll be aimlessly wandering the halls, looking as though there was some purpose to my loitering. Then there is the hefty ticket price ($150) as well as the question of getting a hotel room. And those are just MY concerns... what about for him? Never in a million years would I be ok with this if this was the other way around. However, I am infinitely more insecure than he is, which is probably why we each sit on the side of the fence we do.

It would also be a big step, going from the safety and security of blogging behind my computer screen, to actually having to meet people. I currently enjoy the luxuries complete anonymity provides, but I'll have very little control over that in a public-ish setting. People will know what I (*gasp*) look like as I can't walk around with a pixelated mask. I'm sure conversations will allow for details to slip that will not be able to be edited out later in a moment of clarity.

So I saw the Englishman last week (details to come), and I brought it up at lunch. I have trouble reading him. He's like this Compassionate Dom, concerned for my needs as much as he is for his. He takes a moment to think about what he's about to say, and I'm pleasantly surprised by his answer. Ultimately, if it were up to him, I would not bare my bottom to anyone but him. But considering he knows that I've been itching to try something like this out, Shadow Lane seems safe enough and far away enough that he could be ok with it under some conditions: 1. public play only. No being alone in a room with some guy. 2. Panties on at all times. So far, that's it. But I'm sure there will be other negotiations... are all implements fair game? I'm not sure if he'd care if someone delivered a good paddling, but I can't imagine he would want to see cane marks left by the hand of another man. I did find his charm to be intoxicating when he said with a grin, "Have no doubt: While you can attend the party, you will be punished for it." Drool. Incentive provided.

But still, I am doubtful. I wonder if this will change things for us in the future. I wonder if this will change things for me. Will it enhance the experience I'm having now? Or will my blown cover bring a quick death to spankLife?

I'm going to weigh these options. Which ways will the scales tip? I'm not sure. I have a couple weeks to do some research and let some of these feelings brew. As of now, I'm leaning towards attending... probably just Friday. I'm thinking newbie party... do a little shopping... then hit another party or two. Crash, wake up late and head to the strip to meet my friends, where they'll never know how I spent the last 24 hours.