The Kiss of the Cane

He was late, once again. I remind him of the days he used to show up right on time... the days when I was still shiny and new. Not like yesterday's news. It's only five minutes, but five minutes is five minutes less time spent with me, and I take it oh so personally. Needy me. But I cannot stay angry, as I melt into his arms, accepting an embrace promised to make up for an entire week of being apart. I let go...



While I'm across his lap, I think back to those early days when spanking was the star of the show instead of the opening act for a good caning. Recently it has served solely as a warm up. Like the practical shoes of nurses and mall walkers, it is functional, not appreciated for its sexiness. It was as good of a day as any for a forgotten star to make its comeback.

My bottom ached to be reminded of its purpose. It feels as though it's being teased when the first swats are delivered over my dress. I love the taste, but am hungry for more. Savoring each bite, each lick of his hand, I eat up the sweetness. I indulge. The swats come faster and with more impact as the hem of my dress is lifted over my bottom. The paper thin wrapper of my sheer panties do very little for me in terms of protection. I writhe with pleasure, the sensation bordering on overstimulation. He slips his hand underneath the top band of my panties, simultaneously caressing my bare bottom and pulling my panties down. The prickly sting is a result of the rediscovered heat... a treasured spice only used for the most precious of occasions. I grind against his lap, my bottom begging for more. I feel drops of his sweat on my back, his efforts raining on me. After consuming the very last morsel of delight, I collapse as my body is done. It has surrendered to him. To my pleasure. I crane my head around and give him a kiss worthy of such a gift.



My adrenaline is pumping, and I can't help but want more. We take a moment to catch our breaths while I sit on his lap, lowering my heart rate by raking my fingers through his hair. Even under the dim light of the candles, I can see that my bottom was a shade of pink it hasn't seen in a long time. He brings me over to the table, bending me over for a quick twelve strokes of the cane. The cane tells a quiet joke, my bottom chuckling under it's breath. I taunt it, wiggling my bottom back and forth. Silly girl... He immediately pulls me off, setting me down on my knees. The flogger quickly claims my back, each strand feeling like needles against my damp skin. As he strikes me from above, I feel my body immediately quieting down, curling itself into a ball. He tells me to straighten my body, and I do. It's not long before I begin to slump once again, wanting myself to be as small as I want to feel. Suddenly, I feel tears start to well up in my eyes, my shoulders twitching as if to shake out those tears. He tells me to stand up and I instinctively cover my face, not wanting him to see me. I bend over the table once again. He's caning me, but I don't feel anything. The tears are rolling down my face at this point, and I'm crying into my hands, my body sobbing for relief. It only feels like moments before he stands me up and takes me into his arms. He whispers, telling me everything is ok. He pulls me to the sofa and sits down, wanting me on his lap. Instead, I kneel at his feet, crying into his thighs. I'm completely aware I've folded myself into what could possibly be the most unflattering position, but I don't care. I just want to be. He gently strokes my hair and lets me cry. When I'm ready, I sit up, waiting for another invitation, and this time, I graciously accept. Sitting in his lap, I cry silently into his shoulder. He asks me what my tears are for, and I have no answers. Instead, a second wave of tears flood out, forcing him to console me further. I hear an edge of helplessness in his voice, yet he holds me, not rushing anything, and I'm grateful for the space.

It's only later, over coffee, I wonder out loud how many strokes of the cane I received, as my bottom was feeling more sore than usual against the unforgiving wooden slats of the chair. He asks me to guess, and I say, "18," counting the first twelve and estimating the six that followed before I completely broke down. I was off by 14, as the second set consisted of exactly 20 strokes, making the grand total 32. Low, by our average, but the marks they left are more severe than most. For all the tears that were spilled that day, I was left with the stain of a single plum colored kiss, left by the cane... a reminder that it strikes me with the most tender love and the most empathetic care.

I Only Have Thighs for You

I started this journey looking for an adventure filled with many spankers... my blog would include a cast of characters that would have cutesy nicknames to identify the various men that would meet my bottom. However, very quickly, too quickly, I found myself developing this deeper connection to just one. At first, I was simply entertaining it, then resenting it, fighting it. And now, I bask in it. What was I guarding? The ability to have someone witness my existence? To see me for who I am and accept me for everything... flaws and all? It sounds idealistic, but so far I have yet to come across something that I am judged for. He once wrote to me saying that I was under the impression that to know me was to reject me, and he found the complete opposite to be true. After rejecting myself all these years, this man has given me the gift of acceptance. What's not to love?

My initial fantasies only ever included spanking, and yet only five months after exploring my inner most desires, I see that while spanking is and always will be at the roots of my kink, there are several branches that I climb. Some bear fruit too sour for my tastes, and others have ripened nicely, succulent and delicious for my consumption. I feel pure pleasure from having my bottom struck by hand... a clear physical reaction as if my nerve endings were directly connected to my eros. Being so heavily bottom-centric, I never imagined being struck anywhere else. And yet, the whip has met my back with butterfly kisses, and my chest with intrigue. I'm finding the unmatched pleasure in my own act of submission... with its manifestations witnessed while being flogged while my hands are secured above my head and being caned with my wrists behind my back. We continue to explore other body parts: the light taps that tickle the bottoms of my feet as they face the ceiling, the sharp slap of my face as I refuse to make eye contact and for the first time last week, the wicked sting of the cane as it meets my thighs.

It's not long after a relatively quick warm up spanking I feel him reaching for the cane. I am over his lap as he canes me. Our junior cane is missing, so its understudy will have to do. The straight cane is a hybrid of the other two... not quite stingy, not quite thudy. Somewhere in between. I love that its shorter length allows for me to be caned in his arms. The strokes start off light, but soon pick up in speed and in intensity. He sets down the cane and returns to spanking. When he feels that I'm ready to receive more strokes, he picks up where he left off. I love the punctuated staccato notes the short distance demands. He goes to set down the cane, and I whisper, "Please don't stop." I squirm with delight as he holds me down, granting me my wish. I feel the fire hit the back of my thighs, something its virgin skin was not expecting. Ouch! My eyes get big with surprise. Two more of those before I learn my lesson and settle down. I rest my head in my folded arms, closing my eyes as I fully embrace the rest of the caning.

Bruises immediately begin to form on my thighs. He looks sincerely apologetic... though he clarifies that he is not sorry for the intensity, but for making such low marks. I tease him, saying he's received low marks for his low marks. He talks through his charming smile, "How can I resist those three little words...?" I smile back... He can't.

When I return home I have mixed feelings about having my thighs caned. Without a doubt it hurt in a way I'm not used to...but I look at the marks knowing they were a result of a deep sense of trust. I imagine that I could put myself in harm's way by playing with strangers, as my first spanker taught me. But as I shed the layers of my armor, dangerously exposing my vulnerability, I'm rewarded with a deep connection. I'm grateful for having that, as there was no need for words to be exchanged in protest, only the subtle cues of our waltz.

Shadow Lane, Final Day and Epilogue

Sunday morning housekeeping arrives just five minutes before my alarm is set to go off. It's 9:30am and I force myself to get up, as there's lots to do before Spanking Court is in session. My roommate is presumably at breakfast, so I spend an extra couple minutes letting the hot water welcome me into the morning. I am low on sleep and coffee hasn't had an opportunity to course through my veins. When I get out of the shower I notice that Miss Hammond-Grant and/or Sarah Gregory has done a fair amount of damage to my bottom. Yikes...that was unexpected. My bottom has been more and more resistant to marking, and it seems all it needed was a woman's touch. I do a preliminary packing job, gathering clothes and charging phones. My roommate walks in and I'm happy to see her as we hadn't crossed paths at the various parties the night before. We catch up for a few minutes before I had to go and she tucks herself in for a post-breakfast nap.

I dash down to grab coffee and a pastry before heading to Spanking Court. I snagged a spot on Erica's couch right up front. The suite was packed...standing room only! I look across the room and see some familiar faces. My chocolate croissant saves my seat while I go and visit with Joey for awhile as well as the couple from the night before. It seems like court is about to start, so I scurry off to my seat. I see Lea to my side and chat with her for just a moment. She shows me her delicate fingers and from the looks of them I would have thought she had some unpaid gambling debts! She gave me a quick synopsis of how her fingers came to their current shade of black and blue. I also met Alex for the first time ever! She looked as sweet as she does on her blog, and couldn't be nicer. Court started soon after and the honorable Strict Dave was presiding.



At dinner the evening before, Spanking Court passed out and collected sheets of paper where anyone could accuse a fellow party goer of committing an infraction. Strict Dave went down the docket, case after case. Accusations ran from things like losing room keys, driving recklessly, tops referring to their parts as "pee pees" and "ding dings", to having butts that were too cute not to spank. Witnesses would sometimes be called up and DJ Bob added to the ambiance with the unmistakable "bum-bum" of Law and Order fame. The rulings were surprisingly fair and legit and Strict Dave had the entire room in stiches with every case. If the person who lost the case was a top, they were usually sentenced to serve some "personal time" to the other. "Personal time" could be anything from a foot massage to running errands, etc. If it was a bottom, Strict Dave would sentence them to x many swats with y implement. From my account, he seemed to favor 6 swats with a leather paddle. It was a great time and far more entertaining than expected... I don't think I would ever attend another Shadow Lane without being a spectator at Spanking Court.



On my way back to the room, I ran into Joey who was moving to a smaller room from the SCONY suite. I was glad to see him one last time to say goodbye. The entire SCONY group was super nice, welcoming the newbies with such warmth (not a reference to my bottom, btw). I was winding down, coming to the realization that my Shadow Lane experience would soon be over. I returned to the room, waking up my sleepy roommate. We spent time catching up on the happenings the night before as I finalized my packing. The roommate situation could not have worked out any better, as I couldn't have possibly asked for a nicer person to share my room with. It was also great going through both of our first spanking party experiences together. She walked me down to the lobby on her way to grab her own cup of coffee. We ran into Mrs. Darling and chatted with her. So sweet. Alex walked by and we waved at each other. Smile. I don't really want to go home, but it's definitely time. I had a long drive ahead of me and a lot to think about. I walked through the smoke filled casino for the last time, towing my luggage behind me and into the desert heat where my car had been sitting the entire time I was at Shadow Lane.



I punched in my home address into my car's navigation system as to give my mind room to process the events of the weekend. I'm passing the strip on the 15 when I get an alert on my phone. The Englishman is texting me, asking how I was and if I was on the road yet. Yay! I recklessly text him back, letting him know I'm driving. He offers to write me an email or call. I eagerly chose the latter, as I was desperately missing him in that moment. While waiting for his call, it occurred to me that we have never spoken over the phone before... always communicating via email or text. A courtship in the age of technology. I had nothing to fear, as there was nothing awkward about our conversation as he kept me company from Las Vegas to Barstow- a good 2.5 hours and more than half way home.



With every mile, Shadow Lane was becoming a more distant memory, but one that would never be forgotten. I met some seemingly old friends, while meeting new ones. Had I gone unattached, I would have had a very different experience, perhaps making the car ride home a bit more uncomfortable. But as of now, I wouldn't trade it for the world, as what I had waiting for me at home is far more precious than a weekend in Vegas.



******



I knew from our conversation on the way home that while he wasn't upset at how I chose to break the boundaries, I would still be punished for doing so. I couldn't wait to see him, as my weekend away seemed to extend the time since we had last seen each other.



Tuesday, two days after leaving Shadow Lane. As soon as he came through the door he gave me the tightest hug I've ever received. I gave him some grief for being late while at the same time refusing to let go. He led me towards the sofa. Excitedly, I follow. We don't make it there, as he stops me on the short journey to spank me while standing up. He's rougher than usual and is denying me the comfort of being spanked in his arms. He's quick to bend me over, briskly lifting my dress and canes me, with the cruel edge of having only a luke warmed bottom. As he canes me I can only think of the bruises he must be able to see and am overcome with a wave of shame. As I start to feel the sharp lines racing across my bottom, I'm quickly brought back to my punishment. As I let out the small cries to express my remorse, he pulls me to the couch where I go directly across his knee. I feel him take the extra moment to take a closer examination of my marks and my heart sinks just a little bit knowing that he can clearly read the disloyalty written across my bottom. The spanking on my freshly caned bottom feels rough. Every time my bottom starts to inch away from him, he firmly scoops me closer to him, giving him a much shorter distance to spank me. When he is done, he tells me to sit up. I immediately flip over and push my way onto his lap. I throw my hands around his neck and bury my head into his shoulder. He strokes my hair and in a quiet whisper tells me that he's not unhappy with the choices I made, but he must protect the boundaries he sets, as those boundaries were designed to protect me and to protect us. I lower my head into his lap where he continues to soothe me. I now understand, what is precious to me is also precious to him. I love that. and I love him.

Shadow Lane, Day 2

Sunday morning housekeeping arrives just five minutes before my alarm is set to go off. It's 9:30am and I force myself to get up, as there's lots to do before Spanking Court is in session. My roommate is presumably at breakfast, so I spend an extra couple minutes letting the hot water welcome me into the morning. I am low on sleep and coffee hasn't had an opportunity to course through my veins. When I get out of the shower I notice that Miss Hammond-Grant and/or Sarah Gregory has done a fair amount of damage to my bottom. Yikes...that was unexpected. My bottom has been more and more resistant to marking, and it seems all it needed was a woman's touch. I do a preliminary packing job, gathering clothes and charging phones. My roommate walks in and I'm happy to see her as we hadn't crossed paths at the various parties the night before. We catch up for a few minutes before I had to go and she tucks herself in for a post-breakfast nap.

I dash down to grab coffee and a pastry before heading to Spanking Court. I snagged a spot on Erica's couch right up front. The suite was packed...standing room only! I look across the room and see some familiar faces. My chocolate croissant saves my seat while I go and visit with Joey for awhile as well as the couple from the night before. It seems like court is about to start, so I scurry off to my seat. I see Lea to my side and chat with her for just a moment. She shows me her delicate fingers and from the looks of them I would have thought she had some unpaid gambling debts! She gave me a quick synopsis of how her fingers came to their current shade of black and blue. I also met Alex for the first time ever! She looked as sweet as she does on her blog, and couldn't be nicer. Court started soon after and the honorable Strict Dave was presiding.



At dinner the evening before, Spanking Court passed out and collected sheets of paper where anyone could accuse a fellow party goer of committing an infraction. Strict Dave went down the docket, case after case. Accusations ran from things like losing room keys, driving recklessly, tops referring to their parts as "pee pees" and "ding dings", to having butts that were too cute not to spank. Witnesses would sometimes be called up and DJ Bob added to the ambiance with the unmistakable "bum-bum" of Law and Order fame. The rulings were surprisingly fair and legit and Strict Dave had the entire room in stiches with every case. If the person who lost the case was a top, they were usually sentenced to serve some "personal time" to the other. "Personal time" could be anything from a foot massage to running errands, etc. If it was a bottom, Strict Dave would sentence them to x many swats with y implement. From my account, he seemed to favor 6 swats with a leather paddle. It was a great time and far more entertaining than expected... I don't think I would ever attend another Shadow Lane without being a spectator at Spanking Court.



On my way back to the room, I ran into Joey who was moving to a smaller room from the SCONY suite. I was glad to see him one last time to say goodbye. The entire SCONY group was super nice, welcoming the newbies with such warmth (not a reference to my bottom, btw). I was winding down, coming to the realization that my Shadow Lane experience would soon be over. I returned to the room, waking up my sleepy roommate. We spent time catching up on the happenings the night before as I finalized my packing. The roommate situation could not have worked out any better, as I couldn't have possibly asked for a nicer person to share my room with. It was also great going through both of our first spanking party experiences together. She walked me down to the lobby on her way to grab her own cup of coffee. We ran into Mrs. Darling and chatted with her. So sweet. Alex walked by and we waved at each other. Smile. I don't really want to go home, but it's definitely time. I had a long drive ahead of me and a lot to think about. I walked through the smoke filled casino for the last time, towing my luggage behind me and into the desert heat where my car had been sitting the entire time I was at Shadow Lane.



I punched in my home address into my car's navigation system as to give my mind room to process the events of the weekend. I'm passing the strip on the 15 when I get an alert on my phone. The Englishman is texting me, asking how I was and if I was on the road yet. Yay! I recklessly text him back, letting him know I'm driving. He offers to write me an email or call. I eagerly chose the latter, as I was desperately missing him in that moment. While waiting for his call, it occurred to me that we have never spoken over the phone before... always communicating via email or text. A courtship in the age of technology. I had nothing to fear, as there was nothing awkward about our conversation as he kept me company from Las Vegas to Barstow- a good 2.5 hours and more than half way home.



With every mile, Shadow Lane was becoming a more distant memory, but one that would never be forgotten. I met some seemingly old friends, while meeting new ones. Had I gone unattached, I would have had a very different experience, perhaps making the car ride home a bit more uncomfortable. But as of now, I wouldn't trade it for the world, as what I had waiting for me at home is far more precious than a weekend in Vegas.



******



I knew from our conversation on the way home that while he wasn't upset at how I chose to break the boundaries, I would still be punished for doing so. I couldn't wait to see him, as my weekend away seemed to extend the time since we had last seen each other.



Tuesday, two days after leaving Shadow Lane. As soon as he came through the door he gave me the tightest hug I've ever received. I gave him some grief for being late while at the same time refusing to let go. He led me towards the sofa. Excitedly, I follow. We don't make it there, as he stops me on the short journey to spank me while standing up. He's rougher than usual and is denying me the comfort of being spanked in his arms. He's quick to bend me over, briskly lifting my dress and canes me, with the cruel edge of having only a luke warmed bottom. As he canes me I can only think of the bruises he must be able to see and am overcome with a wave of shame. As I start to feel the sharp lines racing across my bottom, I'm quickly brought back to my punishment. As I let out the small cries to express my remorse, he pulls me to the couch where I go directly across his knee. I feel him take the extra moment to take a closer examination of my marks and my heart sinks just a little bit knowing that he can clearly read the disloyalty written across my bottom. The spanking on my freshly caned bottom feels rough. Every time my bottom starts to inch away from him, he firmly scoops me closer to him, giving him a much shorter distance to spank me. When he is done, he tells me to sit up. I immediately flip over and push my way onto his lap. I throw my hands around his neck and bury my head into his shoulder. He strokes my hair and in a quiet whisper tells me that he's not unhappy with the choices I made, but he must protect the boundaries he sets, as those boundaries were designed to protect me and to protect us. I lower my head into his lap where he continues to soothe me. I now understand, what is precious to me is also precious to him. I love that. and I love him.

Shadow Lane, Prologue and Day 1

As much as I would like to, I can't seem to sit down and write about my experience at Shadow Lane without talking about the energy leading up to my departure. So I met with the Englishman on Thursday for coffee to discuss Shadow Lane. I had decided the night before not to go because of several factors: I could tell that me going made him uncomfortable (to say the least), and the fact that I didn't have a ride, a room and no longer had an alibi made me wonder if the universe was telling me that perhaps this wasn't the best idea. I thought he would be happy with the news, as it has been a slow negotiation over several weeks. Instead, he seemed ambivalent, which left me wondering if he, in fact, didn't mind whether I went or not, sparking further discussion. We both seemed to be chasing our tails, me looking to make it work, flooding him with questions, and he was left wondering with all these questions if I was determined to go no matter what he said. The heat didn't help and we left on uncertain terms.

I ended up writing to him twice later that day, as I simply couldn't settle my thoughts. I was left feeling insecure. I would have been happy not to go if he was solid in communicating his displeasure, but I would also be more than happy to go with his blessing. The stress of daily life was already doing me in and this was simply adding to that mountain. I would have been glad for this decision to have been made for me, but instead I wrestled with it until the last moment.

With no email from him early Friday morning, I decided I was going to start packing my bags, planning on leaving in order to arrive in time for the newbie party at 3pm. Instead, I received a message from him around 10am. We texted back and forth, working through our perspectives. It was a conversation definitely worth having as by the end of it we were both very clear on where each of us stood as well as the reasons behind those feelings. I now was going to attend under the specific idea that I was going to go meet people and to observe a large scale spanking party. If I were to go, I could top other women (ha!), but that would be the only play I was to see. The "conversation" lasted an hour and a half, and now it was time to kick it into high gear. There was no chance I was making the newbie party, and with every minute that passed I would be stuck in slower traffic.

My first order of business was to make contact with a possible roommate. She was excited that I was coming and was happy to share her room with me. Perfect! Normally I would have planned weeks ahead of time, shopping, carefully picking out outfits, getting pedicures. Instead, I found myself throwing dresses into a bag, grabbing fistfuls of random panties, and tossing only the most essential make up into a train case. After a quick stop at the bank, I was on the road. It was 2pm and I was finally on my way.

I tried to listen to my audiobook in attempts to make the time go by, but my mind kept wandering, excited about the weekend and all the events that were to come. Marky Marks of Secret Spanko fame kept me company along the way via bluetooth, giving me a more in depth perspective of his time at TASSP. He assured me I'd be fine and I was as excited as ever. As I got closer to my destination, I realized that the timing might work out perfectly to pick up my roommate at the airport. It couldn't have worked out better as trying to meet up at the hotel would have added another complication. Instead, I was able to pick her up when she landed at 6:30pm and we used the short car ride to get to know each other before fumbling through what would be both of our first parties, together. We both had a laugh at the fact that we each secretly feared that the other would be a man and were relieved that we each lacked that Y chromosome that would have made things more than awkward.

We got to the hotel and found our way up to our room. We both took a moment to freshen up and were eager to get to the Vendor's Fair. We made our way through the smoke filled casino to the Grand Ballroom. As the we opened the double doors we were greeted at the front table. I purchased my $150 party ticket, granting me entrance into the ultimate spanko convention. Almost immediately I was star struck as Erica Scott walked by. Luckily for me, my partner in crime is an extrovert, immediately introducing herself. I tagged on and Erica proved to be a woman of her word, giving me the biggest bear hug her tiny frame could offer. I pretty much could have turned around and went home at that point and would have been perfectly happy! We immediately hit the bar as the party had officially started with our arrival. As I waited for my drink, an older (in his 70s? 80s?) gentleman approached me asking me if I would be interested in joining his fraternity. He pulled out a wooden paddle from his jacket. I politely declined and thought, "oh boy, this is exactly as I had imagined..." To my happy surprise, it turned out to be an isolated incident. After grabbing our drinks, we made our way around, circling the perimeter. My roommate had made plenty of contacts ahead of time, being very technology savvy with Twitter. She broke off to meet her new friends as I got my shopping on. Half the room was made up of dvd distributors. I'm sure it would have been much more exciting had I been familiar with spanking movies as various models sprinkled the tables, signing and promoting their videos. As I got to the other side of the room, I did recognize Sarah Gregory from her blog and found myself speechless and without my extroverted friend by my side. I sheepishly walked by and asked a question about a cane and moved right along. There were only a few tables that sold implements, mostly beautiful handcrafted wood, some leather. I then came across the SCONY table, and was certain I was about to meet Lea, even though she lacked the package of peeps I was depending on identifying her by. I introduced myself to her and she in turn introduced me to Joey. It was really great meeting both of them and I was looking forward to visiting with them some more later at the party they were hosting. There was another booth selling jewelry of some sort, but I passed and made my way to the bar once again.

A couple more drinks and a few more rounds around the room, my roommate and I made our way upstairs, navigating our way through the different parties. We started at SpankOlympics, hosted by the Brits of Northern Spanking. It was fun to watch teams of two compete for in events like sprinting (how fast 100 swats by hand could be delivered) and dressage (an artistic interpretation of music to spanking). I left after the shooting event (how close you could deliver 6 cane strokes) and checked out Joe and Ten's room. I mingled with the crowd, talking to fellow spankos. I found Ten, introduced myself and sent her SecretSpanko's love as I was instructed to (which she returned, btw). I then made my way to the SCONY suite where I spent the rest of the evening. I hung out with Lea and Joey and met a few other people from SCONY. The suite was HUGE! What was unique about their suite was that they had these privacy cubicles set up, little areas where people could play in private. I never saw the inside of one of those, but did hang out by the bar area, meeting new friends, discussing everything from religion to relationships, and as they relate to spanking. After several of glasses of wine I retreated back to the room where I crashed into an inviting bed. It didn't take much effort as I knew I would need a goodnight's sleep in order to prepare for a day full of activities.

Friday was a short day, but it was a concentrated introduction to the happenings of a spanking party. I wish I had gotten there in time to meet all the other new folks, but it seemed that our paths would cross throughout the weekend. It was a blessing that Friday was kept short, as the next day was filled with spanking adventures.